Beyond rhyme or reason.

106.

How do you get over the idea of somebody?? It’s not even getting over someone.. It’s getting over the idea that you have built and construed and imprinted so perfectly in your head.. It feels near impossible.. It’s like this paradoxical struggle.. Of using your mind to fight your mind. This is just ridiculous. 

I hate me. 

105.

I’m learning to find that life doesn’t stop for anyone.. I’ve been trying to implement real changes in my life, but time doesn’t allow you to stop it so that you can actually progress where you really want to.. John Mayer describes it as running changes, that as we get older we learn to change as we are moving, because there’s no pause button. 

I’ve tried! It’s hard! Getting older just becomes harder and I’m so not ready.. I’m not sure how people grow up and have full-time jobs and exercise and cook and take care of their children and have time to do what they want! How?! I barely can come home and go exercise.. I’m so desperately trying to grasp what’s left of my youth before I really have to let go… All I really want to do is make music, make art, travel.. And if one day I have to sacrifice it all for a more secure life.. well, I’m gonna milk it until the day I have to go!

Which is why I’ll be moving to South America for 4 months! 

Everyday, I ask myself when I’ll really start living.. And I’m scared that the answer’ll never come. Maybe it’s my time to go searching.. 

Send your prayers to me!